Monday, December 30, 2013

From Jordan

To My Support Team
Special blessings to all my family and friends in the LGBT community, for stepping into my life at a young age and walking with me when everyone else walked out of my life. You will always be my shining star. It was your continued love that helped to bring me out of the closet and into the light of God's love.
My doctors, therapists, landlord, case managers, and clergy, people who are from all walks of life, have helped my life's work to this day. Without all of you I would be dead.

It is hard to have a desire to live when you have no one who believes in you. I can't tell you how much I have prayed for someone to take my hand and not let go. Because I am who I am, so many have questioned the journey I walk and questioned my worth. Everyone else let go of my hand, as well as the hope of me becoming the man God created me to be. So many times I was abandoned by people who called me their family. God sent all of you into my life as shepherds to encourage me with unconditional love. What you did for me, the least of these, you unknowingly did for God.

Someday there will be no more pain and we will all be together. Real love sets us free from judgments. I tank God for putting you all into my life. If not for the experiences I shared with you, this book wouldn't have been written. I know the disabilities I face daily are a struggle, but I also know you will never abandon me. Without your love I would be lost.
Cherish is the word that reminds me of you. Thank you for walking this painful journey with me.

Your brother,
Jordan Jantz

But the Lord saith unto Samuel, Look not on the countenance, or the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.
1 Samuel 16:7

About the book

After living a life of abuse, abandonment and homosexuality, Jordan Jantz made the ultimate choice. Leaving his old life behind, Jordan came to know and understand God's love for him, as well as discover his own part in the eternal plan. But this book isn't just about his Christian conversion and lifestyle change, it is also about all the things he suffered that helped to bring him to this point. It's about everything he was, everything he is, and everything he is on his way to becoming. Simply put, this is the story of his journey from the painful, cold darkness into the light. A portion of the proceeds from Out of the Closet Into the Light will be donated to The Christmas Box International to support abused and neglected children.
What Readers Are Saying
"This is a well written book about what one child suffered at the hands of those who should have loved and nurtured him. It makes me wonder how many children suffer in silence. The day we received the book from Amazon, I sat down and read it in two hours. I have purchased more books and have been sharing them with family and friends. I highly recommend this book for anyone to read. May the voices of the children be heard and may each of us reach out with an understanding heart to all of God's children.
J. Adams did an excellent job in writing the story of Jordan Jantz." 
"This book opens the door of a soul who has made the decision to turn from a early life of dark, self-destructive, behavior where his lifestyle is a series of bad choices and makes an astounding turn around in his physical and mental behavior to find meaning and redemption in his life as he seeks the help of the Savior to redefine his direction and purpose in life."  

Get Your Copy Today
Amazon.com

Monday, December 23, 2013

Perfect Christmas Gift!

Out of the Closet Into the Light is the perfect gift of anyone looking for a miraculous story that demonstrates that nothing is impossible with God.

What Readers Are Saying
"Though the book is not an autobiography in the most technical sense, the book flows as a narrative with Jordan's voice clearly evident. Adams did a fantastic job selecting from,editing, and compiling events from whatever else Jordan must have shared with her. The book is short, honest, and matter-of-fact. There is no plea for mercy or outcry for restitution. The book supplies a true account of one man's (unfortunate) upbringing and the surprising and deserved final ending. You will be shocked at the quantity of wrongdoing described in this book. Though descriptive and honest, the author does not step into unnecessary or excessive details. It is a great book to remind us all why we ought to be a little kinder - or a lot kinder - to everyone we meet and see every day. We need more openness, love, and honesty. This book provides all of that. Short read, yet powerful and worth it."

"Out of the Closet and Into the Light" is an authentic account of a person who has experienced tremendous pain and abuse in childhood yet have found the courage and capacity to continue to love. One sad result of many who have experience abuse is becoming trapped in the belief that they are not lovable and worthless, thus imposing on themselves, after the original abusers have long gone, continued self-abuse through drugs, depression, and for some, suicide. Jordan's account of his journey through life shows that it is possible to "dare greatly" in the face of his abusers so that he is not held hostage forever by their actions. His humility and willingness to give a chance to opportunities for growth and healing is a lesson everyone can learn from and emulate. Although the experiences shared in this book are some of the most heart wrenching I have read, ultimately, it is a hopeful book. Jordan showed that despite all that is evil in the world, there is also good...if you are willing to let that love in. I highly recommend it to anyone, not just those who have experienced abuse, but for anyone who has experienced pain, betrayal, and loss. "
"This book opens the door of a soul who has made the decision to turn from a early life of dark, self-destructive, behavior where his lifestyle is a series of bad choices and makes an astounding turn around in his physical and mental behavior to find meaning and redemption in his life as he seeks the help of the Savior to redefine his direction and purpose in life."

"This is a well written book about what one child suffered at the hands of those who should have loved and nurtured him. It makes me wonder how many children suffer in silence. The day we received the book from Amazon, I sat down and read it in two hours. I have purchased more books and have been sharing them with family and friends. I highly recommend this book for anyone to read. May the voices of the children be heard and may each of us reach out with an understanding heart to all of God's children.
J. Adams did an excellent job in writing the story of Jordan Jantz."


About the book
After living a life of abuse, abandonment and homosexuality, Jordan Jantz made the ultimate choice. Leaving his old life behind, Jordan came to know and understand God's love for him, as well as discover his own part in the eternal plan. But this book isn't just about his Christian conversion and lifestyle change, it is also about all the things he suffered that helped to bring him to this point. It's about everything he was, everything he is, and everything he is on his way to becoming. Simply put, this is the story of his journey from the painful, cold darkness into the light. A portion of the proceeds from Out of the Closet Into the Light will be donated to The Christmas Box International to support abused and neglected children.
Amazon.com

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Message From Jordan

IT USED TO BE THAT THE WORD “HOME” WAS VERY FRUSTRATING TO ME, MAINLY BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW WHERE HOME WAS. I BELIEVED THAT IT WAS MY FAULT. I BELIEVED MY PERSONALITY CAUSED A RIFT IN MY LIFE AND I DESERVED TO BE PUNISHED. BECAUSE NO ONE WAS SAYING ANYTHING DIFFERENT, I ACCEPTED THE LIES FROM MANY FRIENDS AND FAMILY THROUGHOUT THE HISTORY OF MY LIFE ON THIS PLANET AND STARTED TO HIDE MY PERSONALITY TO PROTECT MYSELF FROM OTHER FRIENDS AND FAMILIES’ OPINIONS. I FELT THE FEAR AND PAIN NOT ONLY FROM LOSING THE THING THAT I CALLED “HOME”, BUT NOT EVER FINDING THE WAY BACK TO MY HEART’S HOPE AND DREAM TO HAVE A HOME WHERE I BELONG. MY LIFE WAS RULED BY INSECURITIES. I NEVER HAVE UNDERSTOOD THESE FEELINGS INSIDE ME, BECAUSE THEY SCARED ME. I FELT THAT I HAD NOBODY SAFE TO TALK TO, SO I BURIED EVERYTHING AWAY FROM PEOPLE, FRIENDS, FAMILY, AND RELATIONSHIPS; I JUST KEPT IT IN MY HEAD.

MY CONFUSION ABOUT WHERE I BELONGED MADE ME A VERY BROKEN MAN. I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO PROCESS ANY OF MY FEELINGS. THROUGH ALL OF THIS HAPPENING IN MY LIFE, I LEARNED A WAY TO AVOID REJECTION AND ABANDONMENT AND GAIN ACCEPTANCE OF WHAT GOD CREATED WHEN HE MADE ME. BECAUSE IT’S EASY TO WEAR A MASK OF PERFECTION, PEOPLE DON’T KNOW WHAT IS UNDERNEATH YOUR REASONS FOR LIFE BECAUSE PEOPLE DON’T WANT TO FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE. THEY HEAR, SPEAK, AND LIVE FOR THEMSELVES. I USED DISTRACTION AS MY MAIN TOOL TO AVOID MY INTERNAL STRUGGLES. THERE WAS NO SAFE PLACE TO GO TO TAKE OFF MY MASK, MY PERFECTION MASK. EVERY WHERE I WENT THIS MASK BECAME THE BIGGEST BURDEN. THERE WAS NOT A PLACE TO GO TO SAFELY TAKE OFF MY MASK.

I GAVE UP HOPE THAT THERE WOULD EVER BE A SAFE PLACE FOR ME WHERE I COULD EVER BE HONEST ABOUT MY HOPE FOR A HOME, A PLACE TO BELONG. THE ONLY OPTION FOR ME WAS TO KEEP UP THE FAƇADE THAT I WAS ALL THINGS TO ALL PEOPLE. I COULD NOT KEEP GOING ANYMORE MAKING OTHERS HAPPY. I DIDN’T TRUST PEOPLE. I DOUBTED THEIR LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE OF ME, BECAUSE I BELIEVED THAT IF ALL THEY SAW OF ME WAS MY MASK, THEN THAT’S ALL THEY COULD LOVE. I HAD ALSO LEARNED, THROUGH MY EXPERIENCES, THAT PEOPLE WOULD REJECT ME; FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND LOVED ONES IF THEY KNEW WHO I REALLY WAS. I STAYED UP MANY NIGHTS TOSSING, TURNING, FEARING THE NEXT DAY. I WAS LOSING SLEEP, EATING POORLY, AND EVENTUALLY BEGAN TO HAVE THOUGHTS THAT IF FAMILY IS NOT WANTING ME IN THEIR LIFE AND FRIENDS KEPT QUESTIONING MY LIFE HISTORY, THEN HOW COULD GOD DESIRE A LOVE FOR MY LIFE. 

 
BY GOD’S GRACE, I DISCOVERED NORTH STAR AND EVERGREEN. THEY WERE A PART OF MY CHURCH, THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER DAY SAINTS AND I MET THESE TWO ORGANIZATIONS IN SALT LAKE CITY. THEY ASKED ME TO STAY WITH A COUPLE IN LEHI, FRED AND MARILYN MATIS. I MET THEIR FRIEND, TY MANSFIELD, AND THE LEADERSHIP. I MET WITH THE EVERGREEN LEADERSHIP AND THE TRUTH IS I KNEW I COULD TAKE OFF MY MASK NOW. THEY HAD NOT ONE EXPECTATION OF ME AND THAT WAS SOMETHING I NEVER EXPERIENCED WITH A GROUP OF CHURCH PEOPLE. I’M BLESSED WITH GREAT MENTORS WHERE IRON SHARPENS IRON BECAUSE IF YOU HANG OUT WITH DOGS YOUR ARE GOING TO GET FLEAS. THESE TWO MINISTRIES REACH OUT TO HELP OTHERS WALK IN GOD’S TRUTH AND HIS LOVE HE HAS FOR YOU AND ME.

A HANDFUL OF CLOSE FRIENDS SOON AFTER, HEARD I WAS BEFRIENDING THESE LEADERS IN NORTH STAR AND EVERGREEN AND THEY BECAME VERY CONFRONTATIONAL. EVEN MY FRIENDSHIPS INSIDE THE CHURCH DID NOT WANT ME TO BE A PART OF THESE TWO MINISTRIES. PEOPLE ARE JUDGMENTAL WHERE EVER YOU GO. IF YOU’RE A RAY OF LIGHT FOR SOMEONE ELSE, EVEN FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND CLERGY WILL PUT THEIR EXPECTATIONS ON MY LIFE AND I WOULD LET THIS CONTINUE. I JOINED BOTH PROGRAMS WITH A NEW SUPPORT BEHIND ME. SOON AFTER, I FOUND MYSELF EXPLAINING THAT I WAS A BROKEN MAN AND I WEAR A MASK TO BE THE PERSON ANYONE WANTS ME TO BE ME. TY MANSFIELD RESPONDED BACK TO ME WITH LOVE AND THE MATIS FAMILY AND ALL OF THE FAMILY AT NORTH STAR CONTINUES TO THIS DAY TO BE A PART OF MY LIFE. EVERGREEN ALSO HAS MAINTAINED THEIR LOVE FOR MY LIFE AND WHAT IS GOING ON IN IT. NOW THAT THE MASK IS OFF, PEOPLE CAN WORK WITH OPEN HEARTS AND TRUTH. MAYBE THE TRUTH DOES SET YOU FREE FROM OTHER PEOPLE’S JUDGEMENTS OF YOU AND YOUR OWN JUDGEMENT OF YOURSELF. CHANGE IS VERY DIFFICULT BECAUSE MY LACK OF TRUST IN PEOPLE. I HAVE A LOT OF DEFENSE MECHANISMS THAT MADE RELATIONSHIPS DIFFICULT. WITH HELP FROM NORTH STAR AND THE EVERGREEN COMMUNITY, I TOOK MY MASK OFF COMPLETELY. NOT THAT I DON’T WANT TO PUT IT BACK ON AT TIMES. CHURCH PEOPLE CAN REALLY JUDGE A PERSON WITHOUT SAYING A WORD AND I SAW IT AND FELT IT, BUT I HAD PEOPLE THAT WERE IN LEADERSHIP WHO SAW WHAT JESUS SAW IN ME; MAYBE THAT’S WHAT REALLY MADE ME TAKE THE MASK OFF.

I HAD NEVER REALLY DEALT OPENLY WITH ANY OF MY STRUGGLES AND THIS FELT TERRIFYING. THIS WAS VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME, AS IT INVOLVED REALIZING THE LIES I HAD BELIEVED MY WHOLE LIFE THAT GOD HATED ME FOR I WAS NOT WORTH ANYTHING. IT BECAME A DAILY STRUGGLE TO WALK THIS LIFE BEING A LATTER DAY SAINT AND TO KEEP THE WORD OF GOD CLOSE TO MY HEART. NOBODY SAID IT WAS EASY TO SERVE GOD. IT’S A NEW LIFESTYLE BIG TIME. I WAS HAVING TROUBLE BELIEVING THE TRUTH ABOUT WHO I WAS IN CHRIST AND THAT HE ACCEPTED AND LOVED ME. I STILL DID WRONG. THAT TENSION EVEN GREW STRONGER IN THE YEAR TO COME. I WAS SLOWLY REALIZING MORE AND MORE OF THE HOPELESSNESS I HAD BELIEVED WAS CONTENDING WITH HURTFUL MEMORIES IN MY LIFE. DEALING WITH THIS WAS HARD AND I BEGAN TO MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS. I THOUGHT I KNEW MORE ABOUT MYSELF THAN GOD DID. EVENTUALLY I REALIZED THAT TY MANSFIELD AND REBECCA MOHOR AND LARRY RICHMAN WERE RIGHT THAT GOD’S PLAN FOR MY LIFE IS NOT THE PLAN I HAD SET FOR MY LIFE, FOR HIS PLAN IS MUCH GREATER THAN MY PLAN FOR MY LIFE.

WHAT NORTH STAR AND EVERGREEN DID IS LOVE ME. THEY DID NOT SHAME ME, DEPRIVE ME OF ANYTHING, OR LECTURE ME. WHAT THEY DID INSTEAD, WAS GIVE ME THE OPEN DOOR TO COME OUT OF MY CLOSET AND INTO GOD’S LIGHT AND SERVE MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS WHO ARE SEEKING TRUTH. THEY DID NOT GIVE ME AWAY OR DROP ME OFF BECAUSE I FELT DIFFERENT THAN THE OTHER MEN IN OUR CHURCH. THANK YOU TY, AND THANK YOU CHRISTIAN ADAMS. YOU BOTH CONTINUE TO IMPACTED MY FUTURE IN CHRIST. THE CONSEQUENCES OF WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LIVE IN SIN IS PUNISHING TO MY SPIRIT AND LIFE IN CHRIST WHO DIED FOR MY SINS. EVEN THOUGH I HAVE MESSED UP, I WAS FORGIVEN FOR MY SINS, AS FAR AS THE EAST IS TO THE WEST.

IT TOOK ME YEARS TO REALIZE THAT THE HOME I WAS LOOKING FOR WAS NOT A PLACE AT ALL. I WAS LOOKING FOR PEOPLE WHO WOULD LOVE ME WHERE I WAS AT. I WAS LOOKING FOR FAMILY, TRUTH, HOPE. THE FAMILY I WAS SEARCHING FOR, WAS ONE THAT WAS ACCEPTING AND SAFE. IT DID NOT MATTER WHERE IN THE WORLD IT WAS GOING TO BE. THE FOREVER FAMILY I DREAMED OF COULD HAVE BEEN IN AFRICA OR AUSTRALIA. I DESIRED AN ETERNAL FAMILY WHO WANTED ME FOREVER; WELL, HONESTLY, THAT’S WHAT I TOLD GOD ANYWAY. IT’S TRUE, I PRAYED ASKING JESUS ABOUT THIS CRAZY FAMILY THING CALLED ETERNAL FAMILY, AND IT IS REAL PEOPLE. I PROMISE THAT; YOU THAT YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL. YES, IT’S A CHALLENGE, BUT TO GAIN THE WORLD AND LOSE MY SOUL, NO WAY. YES, THE WORLD GAVE ME EARTHLY PLEASURES, MANY, BUT GOD HAS A PLAN THIS SEASON FOR ALL OF US. THIS IS A NEW YEAR.

LET’S COME TOGETHER THIS NEW YEAR AS CHILDREN OF GOD AND THANK HIM FOR JESUS WHO HAS GIVEN YOU AND ME A NEW LIFE, BECAUSE THIS WORLD IS NOT YOUR HOME AND ITS NOT MINE; ITS OUR TEMPORARY HOME. I DID NOT KNOW IT, BUT I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR SOMETHING. I DIDN’T EXPECT IT EITHER. I WAS STRUCK BY GOD’S GRACE. GOD HAD BEEN PREPARING THIS NEW LIFE FOR ME FOR A LONG TIME, AND IT WAS THAT HE HAD FORGIVEN ME AND LOVED ME.
SEVERAL YEARS LATER I’M STILL DISCOVERING MORE ABOUT GRACE AND THE LOVING HOME THAT GOD HAS FOR ME IN MY FAMILY IN SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH.

PLEASE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ASKING GOD TO HELP YOU THROUGH A CHALLENGE IN YOUR LIFE THIS HOLIDAY SEASON. HE WILL BE THERE FOR YOU. JUST CALL HIS NAME. I PROMISE YOU ALL, HE WILL BE THERE FOR ALL OF US WHO CALL UPON HIS NAME. I CALL OUT TO HIM EVERY DAY AND HE HAS NOT ABANDONED ME. YOUR LOVE FOR ME IS A TESTIMONY OF GOD’S LOVE FOR HIS CREATION AND THAT GOD IS NOT DEAD. HE LIVES IN THE LIVES OF THOSE WHO FOLLOW HIM. THANK YOU ALL FOR GIVING ME THE ULTIMATE GIFT AND THAT IS YOUR UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

LOVE,
JORDAN JANTZ

About the book
After living a life of abuse, abandonment and homosexuality, Jordan Jantz made the ultimate choice. Leaving his old life behind, Jordan came to know and understand God's love for him, as well as discover his own part in the eternal plan. But this book isn't just about his Christian conversion and lifestyle change, it is also about all the things he suffered that helped to bring him to this point. It's about everything he was, everything he is, and everything he is on his way to becoming. Simply put, this is the story of his journey from the painful, cold darkness into the light. A portion of the proceeds from Out of the Closet Into the Light will be donated to The Christmas Box International to support abused and neglected children.
Available at Amazon.com