The Voices of Hope website features videos and essays on Latter-Day Saints who struggle with same-sex attraction.
Stop by and watch Jordan's video. His testimony of God's unconditional love for each of us will touch your heart.
http://ldsvoicesofhope.org/voice.php?v=51#.UznYq1fLLyA
Book Excerpt:
February 25, 2013
When I look back on my life, it is a miracle that I made it through
all that happened. It seems like a nightmare I've barely woken from.
The faces and places are still fresh in my mind, the shades and
colors as vivid as ever. The sights and smells come back at times,
drawing my thoughts to days long gone, times never to be revisited.
I have talked about my life before, but not in this much depth, and
not with my family. Friends are appalled by the events I have shared,
and other friends I have known for years wonder why I've never opened
up before this. My answer is always, “I never wanted pity because
there are so many others who have probably experienced worse things.”
There have been many closet doors in my life that have hidden many
things, and I managed to walk through them all, struggling to leave
the painful experiences that lay behind them, experiences shrouded in
darkness, hidden from the eyes of those who would clearly see them
for what they were, and clearly see me for what I was.
To this day, there are moments when the flashbacks that occur are so
strong, I literally lose control of my bodily functions. If I am
standing in the grocery store and see a small child angrily chastised
or hear a family yelling, or watch the news and a child has been
kidnapped, raped, or murdered, it takes me back to those dark days.
The shame and embarrassment I feel at these times is overwhelming. I
see a therapist regularly. I take prescribed anxiety medication
during the day and sleeping medication at night just to function. It
is the only way I can live some semblance of a normal life.
However, one thing above all helps me through each new day. And that
is my knowledge that no matter how rough it gets or how abandoned I
still feel at times, God is there. The Savior is with me. As long as
I hold to the light, I will never be alone again.
So now everything is out in the open, never again to be shut away,
covered or hidden. There are no more secrets, no animosity or anger;
there is only the sweet peace of healing and knowing that the old
life of my memories is no longer mine, that those burdens are no
longer mine. Someone else carries them now.
And I can go on.
About the Book
After living a life of abuse, abandonment and homosexuality, Jordan
Jantz made the ultimate choice. Leaving his old life behind, Jordan came
to know and understand God's love for him, as well as discover his own
part in the eternal plan. But this book isn't just about his Christian
conversion and lifestyle change, it is also about all the things he
suffered that helped to bring him to this point. It's about everything
he was, everything he is, and everything he is on his way to becoming.
Simply put, this is the story of his journey from the painful, cold
darkness into the light. A portion of the proceeds from Out of the
Closet Into the Light will be donated to The Christmas Box International
to support abused and neglected children.
What Readers Are Saying
"This is a well written book about what one child suffered at the hands
of those who should have loved and nurtured him. It makes me wonder how
many children suffer in silence. The day we received the book from
Amazon, I sat down and read it in two hours. I have purchased more books
and have been sharing them with family and friends. I highly recommend
this book for anyone to read. May the voices of the children be heard
and may each of us reach out with an understanding heart to all of God's
children.
J. Adams did an excellent job in writing the story of Jordan Jantz."
"This book opens the door of a soul who has made the decision to turn
from a early life of dark, self-destructive, behavior where his
lifestyle is a series of bad choices and makes an astounding turn around
in his physical and mental behavior to find meaning and redemption in
his life as he seeks the help of the Savior to redefine his direction
and purpose in life."
To My Support Team - from Jordan
Special blessings to all my family and friends in the LGBT community, for stepping into my life at a young age and walking with me when everyone else walked out of my life. You will always be my shining star. It was your continued love that helped to bring me out of the closet and into the light of God's love.
My doctors, therapists, landlord, case managers, and clergy, people who are from all walks of life, have helped my life's work to this day. Without all of you I would be dead.
It is hard to have a desire to live when you have no one who believes in you. I can't tell you how much I have prayed for someone to take my hand and not let go. Because I am who I am, so many have questioned the journey I walk and questioned my worth. Everyone else let go of my hand, as well as the hope of me becoming the man God created me to be. So many times I was abandoned by people who called me their family. God sent all of you into my life as shepherds to encourage me with unconditional love. What you did for me, the least of these, you unknowingly did for God.
Someday there will be no more pain and we will all be together. Real love sets us free from judgments. I tank God for putting you all into my life. If not for the experiences I shared with you, this book wouldn't have been written. I know the disabilities I face daily are a struggle, but I also know you will never abandon me. Without your love I would be lost.
Cherish is the word that reminds me of you. Thank you for walking this painful journey with me.
Your brother,
Jordan Jantz
But the Lord saith unto Samuel, Look not on the countenance, or the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.
1 Samuel 16:7
Special blessings to all my family and friends in the LGBT community, for stepping into my life at a young age and walking with me when everyone else walked out of my life. You will always be my shining star. It was your continued love that helped to bring me out of the closet and into the light of God's love.
My doctors, therapists, landlord, case managers, and clergy, people who are from all walks of life, have helped my life's work to this day. Without all of you I would be dead.
It is hard to have a desire to live when you have no one who believes in you. I can't tell you how much I have prayed for someone to take my hand and not let go. Because I am who I am, so many have questioned the journey I walk and questioned my worth. Everyone else let go of my hand, as well as the hope of me becoming the man God created me to be. So many times I was abandoned by people who called me their family. God sent all of you into my life as shepherds to encourage me with unconditional love. What you did for me, the least of these, you unknowingly did for God.
Someday there will be no more pain and we will all be together. Real love sets us free from judgments. I tank God for putting you all into my life. If not for the experiences I shared with you, this book wouldn't have been written. I know the disabilities I face daily are a struggle, but I also know you will never abandon me. Without your love I would be lost.
Cherish is the word that reminds me of you. Thank you for walking this painful journey with me.
Your brother,
Jordan Jantz
But the Lord saith unto Samuel, Look not on the countenance, or the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.
1 Samuel 16:7
Jordan keep the light that you give to all walks of life for you have given love that most church people do not understand because you are a gay man who has respect from all of us who live different lifestyles but know you are a man who speaks the truth all believers in god need to know he without sin cast the first stone. We are proud of you standing up for transformation. Love Portland people who know who you are and what you are about!
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